Personal dillema

I want to be writer, any writer. I want to be able to write well. I convinced myself to write fanfiction as starter but it didn't work. I thought that fanfiction will be the best starter but it's not. Writing fanfiction is really hard for amateur trying-to-get-the-feeling writer like me. Perhaps the best thing as starter is making your own journal.

These are several ideas that came up when I thought about this:

1. I often run out of idea and imagination. I can't write fanfiction when I get stuck in the middle of story. The result? the story will be hiatus...... forever untouched, unread. Poor that little story. I tried to write fanfiction about Seiho boys high school with Miyaji Fuyuka as the main character. I found that I was a little unsatisfied with relationship between Kamiki and her. I really liked her character so I wanted to potray Miyaji's strength and the development of their relationship. I had the start and end plot but I didn't know how to connect them. So I just wrote the first part and never finished it up until now. I think we can practise this imagination super power with writing journal. By using our daily life story, we can make up some more plot into it. Well, because this is ourselves's life so we know everything, every details about it. Then, the excuse about running out of idea will dissappear and we can still practise to write.

2. Lack of confident. This is the most annoying problem. Why? because I use to read many of super awesome fanfictions with many reviews and followers, I become afraid that I will get no feedback that will improve me, hater's comment,  even worse there's no one wants to read my story. I really hate that kind of thinking yet I still have it in me. I am lack of confident in many aspect, even people say I am good at something, it is still not enough to convince myself to be more confident and be proud. So then, writing journal is good for this problem. We can evaluate ourselves without getting worry too much. There will be no hater, no anxiety about no review and no reader because the reader is yourself.

3. Getting frustated by grammar is annoying too. This can be fixed by practising a lot, but Who will tell me what's wrong and how to fix it? -_____________-

Well, These are only three main problems but actually I have more of them and still thinking how to get rid them off of me.